The Problem with "God Told Me You're My Future Wife/Husband"


Of all the typical Christian phrases, within the top ten would be the iconic and, perhaps, ironic phrase “God told me you’re my future partner.”


Whether you’re Christian or not, you’ve read the previous sentence and laughed or made a face, because it is weird.


I laughed too.


I mean haven’t we all been there, claiming a stranger, an actor/actress in a movie (Michael B Jordan) or the person who sits in front of us at church is our future partner. Fasting and praying for a sign from The Lord. And then another sign. And another sign to confirm the last.


God spoke and He said xyz in a vision or dream and revealed specifically to you that this person was your person.


Again, we laugh but we’ve all been there.


I was there. I’ll admit it. When I was fourteen, I strongly believed there was a particular boy I would marry. It had been revealed to me by God. I saw it in dreams and visions (think Raven Baxter type stuff). Yep that was me.


This boy would be my husband.


I can laugh now, labelling the period of my life as my “Crazy Christian Phrase” and excusing my teenage years. But, I fully believed I was going to marry this boy up until I went to university, and I released there was a world outside of my hometown.


We can laugh and poke fun but there is a huge danger of using this phrase “God told me…” and here are some reasons why we should stop using it.


(Please note: this is not confined to Christians or just men or just women. However, this blog post is from the Christian perspective.)

Boundaries


If you are persistently telling others, especially the apparent “future partner,” what God has told you, you are not respecting them or their boundaries. You are exerting an expectation and a future devoid of their own freewill and choice.


Answer me this:


How can they argue with a sentiment which The Lord has apparently authorised?


In removing their feelings, opinions and personal convictions, the person who you claim to be "your future partner" is voiceless. Their autonomy, control, choice is silence. This is dangerous because it limits someone else’s future to be orientated around you. It dismisses the value of consent and disrespects boundaries.


Entitlement


Let’s do a little sentence analysis.


“God told me you’re my wife/husband.”


“God” is positioned as the subject, the subject obtains authority. “Told,” past tense verb. “Me,” is positioned to be the receiver. “My wife/husband” is positioned to be the object received and possessed through the use of the possessive pronoun “my.”


In short, the phrase does not prove whether God spoke to you, it does not discern whether the voice was your own. Additionally, the phrase does not account for whether the individuals would be a good pair or whether they are compatible. Rather, it simply tells us you are owed a husband or wife by God.


It shows entitlement not God.


Accountability


Let’s go back to the roles of each noun.


“God” is the subject.


“Me” is the receiving object.


“You” is the passive object, which is exemplified through the following possessive “my wife/husband.”


God is positioned with all the authority and responsibility. The speaker is simply the messenger as they position themselves in a receiving and passive role. They remove any responsibility and accountability because, as God is subject and higher power, is authorising it. It goes beyond humans.


And, as I previously proposed, how can you argue with what God has authorised?


So not only does this phrase show entitlement, lack of respect for boundaries but excuses the inexcusable behaviour of an individual.


"Promise me, O [women] of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right." - Songs of Solomon 8:4 (NLT)

What can we conclude? Firstly, this mindset is dangerous. There is a danger in blaming God for words never said. As Christian Youtuber Ruslan says, the idea God spoke to you suggests you are operating as a prophet since, according to Old Testament scripture, God only spoke to chosen prophets. There was serious intent for Old Testament prophets and if they spread misinformation in God's name, it was punished by Death (Deut 18:20-22). Yes, New Testament differs, however, it constantly reminds us to be aware of false prophets.


Secondly, it shows a lack of discernment. Could it be you mistook your own voice as God's while under the influence of emotions, music etc.? Highlight, circle and underline the word “you.” Is this about you and what you want?


Yes, you had a dream but maybe it’s because you were thinking about this individual all day. Correlation is not the same as causation.


Just because you prayed about it, does not mean you are entitled to having it.


If you are finding similarities in your own mindset, this piece is not to judge you, I’ve been there too. So hear me when I say, I’m taking responsibility for my actions - teenager or not - I hold myself accountable and I ask you to do this same. Also, if possible, go and apologise to the person.


To clarify, I believe God speaks to people but to echo Ruslan, if God did speak, it is not something you will need to throw out and force others to believe.